Oh, the Irony of Immunity Claims, Starring Brandon “I’m Above the Law Just Cuz I'm Black” Johnson!

Behold, the mighty Brandon Johnson, Chicago’s Mayor, who thinks his Blackness is a magical shield against jail time, all while shouting, "unjust arrest!" from a megaphone blasted into a mic that's attached to the loudspeakers from a rooftop above his beloved "protestors."" Or, at least that's how I imagine this goes down. But, nah. He's taken to X with this madness, like it's some kind of motivational podium bender while he's on top of his soapbox shouting, "crown thee your black excellency!" I wish I were kidding about that one, but that's the way this looks to those on the outside peering in.

This bars-and-stripes bailing clown juggling his own balls and tissues thinks he’s exempt from rules, dodging his own accountability like Shillary getting caught on the hot-mic and deflecting, while the rest of Chicago rots in cells he probably helped overcrowd with his ingenious policies!

Digging into his past, we find this union-organizing loudmouth rose to power in 2023, backed by progressive darlings like Bernie Sanders—guess they didn’t see that trainwreck coming!

The Backstory: Troops, Lawsuits, and Brandon’s Blundering Drama!

National Guard troops rolled into Chicago today, thanks to Trump’s immigration crackdown, while Brandon Johnson and Governor Pritzker flail with a lawsuit that’s DOA.

A federal judge laughed off an immediate block, so now 500 soldiers are parked near the city, protecting ICE agents from Brandon’s so-called “peaceful” protests.

Brandon’s latest stunt? Signing an executive order banning ICE from city property—because nothing screams leadership like defying federal law while crime skyrockets under his watch!

Rumor has it, his 2023 campaign promised mental health fixes over police hires, but Chicago’s murder rate jumped 20% since—way to go, genius!

The Twitter Tantrum Throwdown: Brandon’s Public Humiliation!

Replies to Brandon’s tweet are a roast fest—some call him a criminal, others a clown, and one genius mocked his goofy haircut with a “scorch the earth” meme!

Pritzker’s getting flak too, but Brandon’s race card flop takes the cake—especially when folks point out his policies aid violent illegals, not protect citizens!

Trump’s jail callout sparked a trending war, with Brandon’s “I’m not going anywhere” bravado looking more like a toddler’s tantrum than a mayor’s resolve.

His track record? A former teacher turned union agitator, Brandon’s pushed tax hikes that hit working folks while crime stats tanked his “progressive” cred!

The Legal Circus Rolls On: Brandon’s Courtroom Clown Show!

Illinois and Chicago sued Trump to stop the troop deployment, with Brandon’s name plastered all over it—court’s set for tomorrow, but don’t bet on his win!

A judge ruled ICE broke a 2022 no-warrant arrest deal, potentially slowing Trump’s plans—too bad Brandon’s own orders might’ve sparked this mess!

Trump’s waving the Insurrection Act like a mad king, threatening military takeovers—Brandon’s defiance just handed him the excuse on a silver platter!

Back in 2023, Brandon dodged a scandal over shady campaign funds—cozy ties with unions raised eyebrows, but he slithered out, as usual!

The Protest Pandemonium: Brandon’s Chaos Carnival!

Protests in Broadview turned into a brawl, with ICE agents firing on a woman after cars rammed them—thanks, Brandon, for turning Chicago into a war zone!

Tear gas and pepper spray lit up the streets as locals clashed with cops, while Brandon calls it “defending democracy”—more like defending his ego!

A soccer match fled to Florida to escape the madness—Argentina and Puerto Rico didn’t sign up for Brandon’s immigration circus!

His “ICE Free Zone” order? Just a PR stunt while car thefts soared 114% since 2018—great job protecting the city, you absolute disaster!

The Oversight Oopsie: Brandon’s Detention Disaster!

ICE detention oversight got axed with layoffs, leaving no checks as Trump ramps up arrests—Brandon’s silence on migrant abuses is deafening!

Former watchdogs warn of deaths and horrors in detention centers, thanks to slashed staff and a “mission-first” DHS—where’s Brandon’s outrage now?

Migrants miss meds and mammograms in lockup, as advocates sue over a no-bail policy—Brandon’s too busy posing to care about human rights!

Word is, he once ignored a whistleblower report on jail conditions during his union days—shocker, a pattern of neglect!

The Financial Fiasco: Brandon’s Taxing Tyranny!

Brandon’s pushed tax hikes to fund his pet projects, burdening Chicagoans while city services crumble—priorities, anyone?

Budget deficits ballooned under his watch, with millions funneled into failed mental health programs that didn’t stop the crime wave!

Critics say he’s pocketing union kickbacks—unproven, sure, but his lavish lifestyle raises questions while streets turn to rubble!

The Grand Finale: Brandon’s Black Excellency Has Left the Building!

Well, folks, it’s curtains for Brandon “The Untouchable King Dingaling” Johnson, who thinks that his "Black Excellency" grants him a Get Out of Jail Free card from this mess he's created!

Maybe, one day we’ll see him moonwalk his way to jail, and we certainly hope so after all he's done attempting to put people's lives in danger. No. Shame on him. I'm rolling up this newspaper and wagging my finger, because, that's a bad Black Excellency, bad!

With his reign of tax hikes and chaos, Brandon’s proving that his brand of Black Excellence means excelling at lousy excuses of why he thinks Trump's calls for his arrest are unjust—catch him sipping on some of that good old sugar-filled Grape Kool-Aid while sitting on a throne of failed policies just trashed with crumbs and syrup from his waffles and chicken! Did I say that right? Because, I think I just crossed some lines here. Oh, well. At least I tried. Right?