Ah, the sweet smell of hypocrisy in Washington. Here we are in 2025, and the federal government is teetering on the edge of another pointless shutdown because a gang of mostly Democrats—plus one rogue Republican—voted against a straightforward funding bill. These geniuses apparently think that stiffing hardworking federal workers—including civilian employees, contractors, and active-duty military personnel from the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Space Force, and Coast Guard—is a brilliant way to "stick it to the man," even though they're the ones running the show.

If we're looking at this from a conservative standpoint, this is peak liberal stupidity: They love big government until it comes time to actually pay the bills for all those bloated bureaucracies they've built. Instead of trimming the fat and getting back to basics, they'd rather play political chicken, leaving TSA agents, park rangers, border patrol folks, FBI agents, air traffic controllers, prison guards, and countless others high and dry without a paycheck. Brilliant move, folks—nothing says "we care about the little guy" like forcing families to skip mortgage payments over your virtue-signaling tirade of tantrums.

But let's not lump them all together; each of these shutdown sustainers deserves their own spotlight for this epic display of brainlessness. We'll go state by state (or alphabetically for the loners), calling out every single name and roasting their idiotic choice to vote no on paying the people who keep this country running. Buckle up—it's a long list of losers.

Starting with Arizona, where the desert heat must be frying brains. Mark Kelly (D-AZ), the astronaut-turned-senator, apparently forgot that real Americans can't just float in space without a salary. What a space cadet move, Mark—voting to ground federal paychecks while you orbit liberal fantasies. And his buddy Ruben Gallego (D-AZ), the fresh-faced fighter who talks tough on workers' rights, just punched federal employees in the gut by saying "nah" to funding. Ruben, if you're so pro-labor, why'd you vote to make them labor for free? Stupid doesn't even cover it.

Over in California, land of Hollywood hypocrisy. Alex Padilla (D-CA), the appointed seat-warmer, thinks starving federal workers is progressive policy. Alex, maybe cut back on those Sacramento steak dinners before you cut off pay for the folks securing our borders. Then there's Adam Schiff (D-CA), the pencil-necked impeachment obsessive who can't stop lying about everything. Adam, your vote against funding is as transparent as your Russia collusion fairy tales—pure stupidity that leaves real people penniless.

Colorado's duo proves mountains don't make you smarter. Michael Bennet (D-CO), the bland moderate pretender, voted no like it's no big deal to halt paychecks. Mike, if you're so "pragmatic," why the idiotic grandstanding that hurts everyday feds? And John Hickenlooper (D-CO), the brewpub baron, must've had one too many of his own IPAs to think this was a good idea. John, you're all about small business, but screwing over government workers? That's a blonde bitter brew of dumb.

Connecticut's coastal elites strike again. Richard Blumenthal (D-CT), the Vietnam fabulist who loves posing as a hero, just played villain to federal families. Dick, faking military service was stupid enough—now you're faking concern for workers by voting against their pay? Pathetic. Chris Murphy (D-CT), the gun-grabbing guru, aimed his vote right at the wallets of feds. Chris, if you're so anti-violence, why the assault on their livelihoods? Peak idiocy.

Delaware, Biden's backyard of boredom. Lisa Blunt Rochester (D-DE), the newcomer who rode the blue wave, washed out federal paychecks with her no vote. Lisa, thinking that's "blunt" leadership? It's just bluntly stupid. Chris Coons (D-DE), the eternal yes-man to the establishment, finally said no—to paying people. Chris, cooning for the shutdown crowd makes you look like the fool you are.

Georgia's peach pit of progressives. Jon Ossoff (D-GA), the baby-faced filmmaker, scripted a disaster by opposing funding. Jon, your vote's a flop worse than your documentaries—leaving feds unpaid is blockbuster-level dumb. Raphael Warnock (D-GA), the preacher who sermons on justice, just sinned against workers' wallets. Raphael, warnocking the system by starving employees? Hypocritical and stupid, reverend.

Hawaii's island idiots. Brian Schatz (D-HI), the climate crusader, let federal pay freeze over with his no. Brian, worried about rising seas but not sinking salaries? Schatz for brains, apparently. Mazie Hirono (D-HI), the perpetual scolder, told feds to shut up and take it. Mazie, your stupidity is as volcanic as Kilauea—erupting nonsense that burns workers.

Illinois gets half-credit with Tammy Duckworth (D-IL), the veteran who should know better than to abandon troops and feds alike. Tammy, ducking responsibility for paychecks? That's a wounded warrior move turned wounded logic—pure stupid.

Maryland's mid-Atlantic morons. Angela Alsobrooks (D-MD), the new kid on the block, blocked funding like it's a game. Angela, alsobrooking no excuses for this idiotic vote that leaves families broke. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD), the budget hawk wannabe, hollered no to paying bills. Chris, van hollering about deficits while ignoring human costs? Textbook dumb.

Massachusetts, cradle of liberal lunacy. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA), the fake Native American who fakes caring about the middle class, just scalped federal pay. Liz, your vote's as phony as your ancestry—stupidly prioritizing politics over people. Ed Markey (D-MA), the Green New Deal dinosaur, marked federal workers for extinction with his no. Ed, marking time in the Senate with idiotic choices like this.

Michigan's motor city mishaps. Elissa Slotkin (D-MI), the CIA spook turned politician, slotted feds into poverty. Elissa, spying a chance to look tough but looking stupid instead. Gary Peters (D-MI), the quiet enabler, petered out on supporting workers. Gary, peters-ing away at paychecks? Lame and dumb.

Minnesota's nice-gone-nasty. Amy Klobuchar (D-MN), the salad-comb aggressor, combed through the bill and voted no anyway. Amy, klobucharing workers out of pay is as abusive as your staff treatment—stupidly so. Tina Smith (D-MN), the former Planned Parenthood exec, planned to abort funding. Tina, smithing a disaster for feds? Cold and idiotic.

Nevada's one-woman wrecking crew: Jacky Rosen (D-NV), the synagogue techie, rosened up the shutdown by opposing pay. Jacky, gambling with workers' lives? Vegas odds say that's stupid.

New Jersey's garden state goofs. Cory Booker (D-NJ), the vegan superhero Spartacus, booked it away from responsibility. Cory, booking no for funding while posing as a champion? Heroically dumb. Andy Kim (D-NJ), the cleanup guy from Jan 6 photos, kimmed over the mess he'd make for feds. Andy, cleaning up Congress but dirtying workers' finances? Idiotic irony.

New Mexico's southwestern simpletons. Martin Heinrich (D-NM), the engineer who can't build consensus, heinriched the shutdown stupidity. Martin, engineering poverty for feds? Faulty design, dude. Ben Ray Lujan (D-NM), the quiet climber, lujaned into no-vote nonsense. Ben, ray of hope for conservatives watching you self-destruct—stupid move.

New York's empire of errors. Chuck Schumer (D-NY), the scheming majority leader, schumered up a storm against funding. Chuck, leading your party off a cliff while feds pay the price? Masterclass in moronic. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY), the flip-flopping feminist, gillibranded workers as expendable. Kirsten, branding yourself as pro-woman but anti-paycheck? Stupidly inconsistent.

Oregon's Pacific pretenders. Ron Wyden (D-OR), the tax tinkerer, wydened the gap between rhetoric and reality. Ron, widening deficits in workers' pockets? Taxing on stupidity. Jeff Merkley (D-OR), the filibuster foe, merkleyed the waters with his no. Jeff, merking progress by starving feds? Eco-dumb.

Pennsylvania's keystone klutz: Bob Casey Jr. (D-PA), the pro-life poser, casey-ed out on life-support for paychecks. Bob, junior-level thinking that hurts seniors and feds alike—stupid.

Rhode Island's tiny terrors. Jack Reed (D-RI), the military man, reeded no to funding like it's a drill. Jack, reeding disaster for defense workers? Boot camp for brains needed. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI), the dark money hunter, whitehoused feds in the poorhouse. Sheldon, hunting shadows while ignoring real pain? Whitewashed stupidity.

Vermont's independent idiot: Bernie Sanders (I-VT), the socialist Santa who gives coal to workers, sandered the funding bill. Bernie, bern-ing bridges with feds by voting no? Your revolution's revolving door of dumb.

Washington's evergreen embarrassments. Patty Murray (D-WA), the earmark queen, murrayed the lines against pay. Patty, murray-ing workers in bureaucracy? Queen of stupid decisions. Maria Cantwell (D-WA), the tech titan ally, cantwelled up excuses for her no. Maria, cantwelling to fund basics? Tech-glitch level idiocy.

Wisconsin's cheesehead chump: Tammy Baldwin (D-WI), the progressive pioneer, baldwined on common sense. Tammy, balding the budget for feds? Hair-brained scheme.

And finally, the lone Republican turncoat: Rand Paul (R-KY), the libertarian loner who loves auditing the Fed but not feeding the feds. Rand, pauling your party's principles by joining the Dems in this fiasco? Rand-om act of stupidity that makes you look like a liberal in disguise.

There you have it, folks—the full roster of the Shutdown Squad, 40 politicians so wrapped up in their ideological echo chambers that they forgot federal employees are real people with bills to pay. From a conservative lens, this isn't just bad policy; it's weaponized stupidity that grows government dependency while punishing the workforce. If these clowns want to play games, maybe we should shut down their salaries first. Wake up, Washington—America deserves far better than this insatiable parade of harebrained idiots—way out of control and so far off the deep end, that they make the filibustering madman William Walker look downright sane by comparison.