Alaskan Capitol News

THERE'S PIZZA HERE [AND I'M STARVED]

Posted in: Dating App Satire · Modern Romance Critique · Online Dating Oddballs

Author: Chance Trahan

Date: 2019-02-16 15:31:06

Image
She said 🤡—SHE LIKES PIZZA.

When you DO match up with this magical PIZZA fairy, she ghosts you just for her pleasure.

When she finally— can't possibly avoid you anymore, she politely explains that she's just, "not ready to date anyone".

Okay, touche. So, WHY TF YOU ON TINDER THEN? 🤦‍♂️

Image
💬Just when you thought that, "just because you like PIZZA doesn't mean that...."

ANYONE ELSE (WITH HALF A BRAIN) NOTICING A PIZZA–REFERENCING TREND HERE?

WHAT ABOUT THE SPIDER WEBBED EYELASHES & BLUE BALLS? (SHE'S APPARENTLY ALL ABOUT THEM)

🤔💭HMM.... WE'RE JUST GONNA SWIPE LEFT.
USA Today Discovers Trump's Secret $3 Million Check to the Jan 6 Riot Fairy – Pulitzer Incoming! United States Veterans Challenge US Military War Narratives, Question Involvement in Israel’s Wars, and Examine Biblical and Occult Origins of the Hexagram Katie Porter's Gubernatorial Griddle: Hope, Grit, and a Side of Scalding Spuds Black Ops 7 vs. Battlefield 6: Hype, Hypocrisy, and the Hard Truths from a Veteran of Both Frontlines McDonald's Under Fire: A Deep Dive into Sexual Abuse, Harassment, and Pedophilia Allegations Yassamin Ansari Selling Girl Scout Cookies Outside Mike Johnson's Office Instead of Upholding Her Oath Schumer's Epstein Outrage: Perfectly Timed for When He Can't Stop the Release Anymore. Now, Isn't That Convenient? The Dark Reign of Minnesota Governor Tim Walz: The Saga of the Somali Fraud-Soaked Pride Parading Clown Prince of Pushovers Rep. Haley Stevens and the RFK Jr Impeachment Attempt: The Congressional Rottweiler Barking Up the Wrong Tree STRUCTURE FIRE HAPPENS [DISPATCH DOESN'T SEEM TO CARE] USA Today Discovers Trump's Secret $3 Million Check to the Jan 6 Riot Fairy – Pulitzer Incoming! United States Veterans Challenge US Military War Narratives, Question Involvement in Israel’s Wars, and Examine Biblical and Occult Origins of the Hexagram Katie Porter's Gubernatorial Griddle: Hope, Grit, and a Side of Scalding Spuds Black Ops 7 vs. Battlefield 6: Hype, Hypocrisy, and the Hard Truths from a Veteran of Both Frontlines McDonald's Under Fire: A Deep Dive into Sexual Abuse, Harassment, and Pedophilia Allegations Yassamin Ansari Selling Girl Scout Cookies Outside Mike Johnson's Office Instead of Upholding Her Oath Schumer's Epstein Outrage: Perfectly Timed for When He Can't Stop the Release Anymore. Now, Isn't That Convenient? The Dark Reign of Minnesota Governor Tim Walz: The Saga of the Somali Fraud-Soaked Pride Parading Clown Prince of Pushovers Rep. Haley Stevens and the RFK Jr Impeachment Attempt: The Congressional Rottweiler Barking Up the Wrong Tree STRUCTURE FIRE HAPPENS [DISPATCH DOESN'T SEEM TO CARE]