Mika Jasen • The Next Episode | FUNNIES

Act 1: Back on the Hunt

Same suburban street at dusk, same flickering streetlamp. Mika Jasen (red Thriller jacket, single glove, fedora low, hair sheenin) under the light, looking more determined than ever. A boombox is next to him playing a faint “Billie Jean” instrumental. He's shamoning and chika-chikaing.

MIKA JASEN

(does a move) They think I’m gone. They think they won this clone war. But, I’m still here. Still the real one. Tonight… someone’s gonna believe me. A-hee-hee.

He starts moonwalking slowly down the sidewalk. A kid on a bike rides by and stops. Mika stops mid-stride and looks at the kid.

MIKA JASEN

Hey, kid. You shouldn't be out here alone. The street lights are on and there's blood stains on the carpet.

KID ON BIKE

Whoa… What? Holy crapola. Michael Jackson? You can't be Michael Jackson. Not the real one. There's no way. You're still alive?

MIKA JASEN

(points funkily) Yes, little man. (spins around) A-hoo! (strikes a pose) The real one! (turns his head to the boy) They cloned me. Locked me up. But I escaped, ya see. You do believe me, right?

Kid thinks for a second.

KID

Wait a minute. My friend said he met you earlier and he said you were fake.

Mika turns his boombox all the way up.

MIKA JASEN

Watch this, kid.

Mika starts 6-stepping.

MIKA JASEN

Could I do this if I was the fake Michael Jackson?

Act 2: All The Non-Believers

Mika spins around and is suddenly upside down and spinning on his pointer finger.

KID

Oh, man! Wait til I tell my friends about this!

The kid's dad comes to the frontyard and sees what's going on.

DAD

Hey! You creep, you harassing my kid?

MIKA JASEN

(stops rightside up in a pose and breathing hard) No! I would never hurt kids. I love kids. That’s why I’m here!

Dad squints, looks at Mika’s glove, jacket, fedora. Then at the kid, who’s still clapping.

DAD

That's what. I'm afraid of. You trying to love my kid.

MIKA JASEN

No. You've got to be joshing me. You've got it all wrong. I'm the real Michael Jackson, sir. They tried brainwashing me and changing my government name to 'Mika Jasen' just so no one would believe me. Look at me, man. Just look!

Dad rubs his temples.

DAD

I don't know. Anybody could say they were the real Michael Jackson. Hmm. Maybe if you do that spin-move again I'll believe ya. But, til then, I'm still a skeptic.

MIKA JASEN

(picks up fedora and stops) Look, I can spin-move all day, but what is that really gonna solve? I'm desperate here, I could use some help. I'm a jigsaw puzzle that's all over the place, and I'm over here picking up all the pieces. This is torture, man. You've really gotta help. I can't let them keep torturing the kids!

Act 3: The Truth Prevails

Mika is pacing.

KID

Dad, I think he's for real! Look at him, he's crying.

MIKA JASEN

(soft broken smile) Yeah, kid. I’m real. You wouldn't believe the things I've seen.

Mika looks petrified with dread.

MIKA

You can't let them take me back to Hollywood.

DAD

(perks up) Hollyweird!?

Mika frowns and nods with his eyebrows lifted.

MIKA JASEN

They held me hostage in Jared Leto's fortress full of crazy Nazi experiments. Epstein even kept a portait of me holding a teddy bear over my privates. I'll never be the same! A-tee-hee!

“Billie Jean” instrumental continues playing from his boombox.