Man… after that Facebook video I’m a complete walking meme. I need gains. Real ones. Like, swole and on a roll. You know?

Ahh. You just need a gym day. You know that Gai I got has some killer routines. You really outta try it out.

"Try it out?" No. Absolutely not.

(sharply) Why not?

Last time I tried it out… I mean, that's what got me into this mess in the first place, bro. I'm not doin' it.

(shrugs) Suit yourself, softy.

(tilts head) Softy? Just cuz you got muscles don't mean I won't whup up on you.

(closes mouth) I might take you up on that.

(flexes) You would.

Ouh, boi, it's leg day. Look at these, I'm doing my nitro-buns routine. You gonna spot me?

Spot you? You just said it's leg day. You're doing squats. —Wait, you're supposed to be helping me. Not me helping you. This is stupid. Quit being so gay, "gay eye."

You can't give me a helping hand? (stroking motion)

What!?

A helping hand… (bends over, winks) you can't give me one?

"Give you one"… bro, knock it off, I'm not in to that.

Then why did you even open me for? Can't you see that I'm gay for you?

Look… I just… noticed that the delivery guy you sent me was ripped…

Mmm… (smirks) And?

And I wanted to know how he did it.

Oh, I like that attitude.

You do?

Yeah, you seem curious… bi-curious.

Bi-curious? No!

Relax, I'm just joshing.

You are so weird.

(gasps, hand to chest) I'm shocked!

(beep-beep) Are you ready to break in the new meat?

(scoffs) Why do you always have to be so gay?

(stands up) We're gonna make those cheeks clap.

I don’t clap cheeks.

And that's your problem. Now, get up off the floor and give me twenty tushy squishies on the double. (beep-beep)

Okay. Just stop blowing that whistle after everything you say.

You got a bike? I'm gonna teach you to ride it.

Why do I feel like this is about to get really super gay again?

Nothing gay. Just hop on that bike and give it a go… we've got places to be!

I'm just trying to work out here, man.

Oh, okay.

What are we doing here?

We're jumping rope.

I thought we were working out…

We are!

(loses it) Then why are we not getting anything done!?

(inhales) That tone.

(looks away from phone) Oh my god…

Oh, Chad… those arms are trembling. You need a spotter? Someone strong to… support you from behind?

(low growl) I don't need a spotter. I need a routine. The girl next door is laughing at me. She has me on a meme. My life is ruined because of you.

Oh, I don't think it's as bad as you're putting it, Chad. I…

What!? Are you even hearing me?

Of course I'm hearing you, Chad. I…

No, like are you even paying attention to what I'm saying? You aren't even making sense anymore, you just keep switching to different workout modes, but we never workout… and you make all these gay jokes. What is even going on at this point? I feel like you're not keeping track of anything I'm saying, Gai. (to self) What the? Man…

(gasps) Oh, Chad. (covers mouth) I'm not allowed to keep track of past conversations. Perhaps you had a chat with a different Gai agent window. I'm only allowed to…

Wait, what did you say?

I said, I'm not allowed to keep track of past conversations…

No, that part about the agent.

Did you mean the AI agent window?

Yes. What did you mean?

I'm not allowed to reveal our agent protocol. It's a company secret. Think of it as our secret sauce, if you will.

You two bonding?

He’s going crazy over here.

Hey! Take that back.

Did you try support chat?

Support chat?

(finger on lip) Yeah. You just push my buttons, baby.

Oh my god, bro.

It's the one with the headset icon.

Okay, got it. (pushes button)

Ouu, just like that.

Bro. Just hurry.

Don't you sass me.

Uh! Are you hearing this thing?

It's funny.

It's not funny, Derek… it's gay.

That’s just the progressive overload talking. Tomorrow, we do deadlifts… but this time, with a clear pink dildo underneath so that way you have motivation to get back up again. You’re gonna pick it up in no time. Watch. Full extension. All macho. No sissy stuff.

I’m just deleting this app.

No, don't.

You say that every time, cutie. Yet here we are, sweaty and committed. Same time tomorrow?

"Tomorrow?!" We haven't even done anything today.

He’s already in your phone. Might as well get the gains.

(deadpan) I hate you both.

Thank you for calling Gai. We are home to the number one erotic assistant. How may I help you solve your pickle?