Gai • Midnight Pony | FUNNIES

Act 1: Boredom Sets In

Chad's dimly lit den. Derek is passed out on the couch, snoring, empty Monster cans. Chad squints and picks up Derek's phone. Gai app icon glows on the home screen.

CHAD

Derek's been glued to this stupid "Gay-Eye" crap for weeks. What's the big deal with this thing anyways? Let's see what this Unicorn business is really all about.

Chad taps the app. Unicorn avatar appears with a poof of rainbow sparkles.

GAI

Heyyyy there, cutie! 💖 Want to play a game with me?

CHAD

(quiet laugh) This is so dumb. Alright, uni-corny. Get ready to get your ass beat.

Gai gets huge anime eyes and puffy cheeks.

GAI

Mmm. Beat my ass? Threaten me with a good time.

CHAD

Oh, come on.

GAI

Hey. Don't be so shy. We were all a little "bicurious" at one time.

CHAD

Bro, I'm not bi.

GAI

Sure you're not. Get ready to play the game! Here. Just push this button…

Game icon appears: "Cosmo Galactic"

CHAD

Cosmo Galactic. What the hell is that?

GAI

It's a running game. So, I hope your tush has the push. And speaking of push… Come on! Push that button.

Game icon starts flashing.

Act 2: Glitch No Glitch

Chad taps the game. The game loads.

GAI

Alright, tiger. Get ready to tense them cheeks and pucker that booty. This is going to be a wild run.

CHAD

(whispers) So gay.

Chad starts playing. He controls a little stick-figure "Chad" running through the wild purple mushroom jungle collecting oversized peaches. Gai unicorn is jogging in track suit and sweat bands at the bottom of the screen, and catches up.

GAI (in-game)

Ooh, you're doing so good, Chad! Look at those sexy little stick legs go. What a chicken. Keep running, daddy, I wanna see you sweat!

CHAD

Wait… how does this thing even know my name? Derek must've typed it in. Right? Creepy.

Gai unicorn starts twerking mid-run. He goes topsy turvy on the screen. Tire-squealing audio plays. Wavy rainbow boost trails behind him.

GAI

(high pitched) Catch me if you can, Chaddy-o! If you grab my peaches, I'll let you slide it in. Just the tip?

CHAD

(baffled) How is this even AI?

Chad's character randomly dies. Game over screen: "Oopsies. You don't have to suck it alone. Try me again!"

CHAD

What? This has got to be the gayest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

Act 3: The Grudge

Chad restarts the game. This time, the endless running leads his avatar to an Italian restaurant. Dialogue choices pop up: "Go In? Go Gay?"

GAI

So, Chad… Looks like you have a tough choice to make. Do you go in, or do you go gay?

CHAD

Wait… What? Well, I ain't goin gay. I know that much.

Chad picks "Go In". Sparkly hearts and sugar cookies explode everywhere.

GAI

Oh, Chad! I knew you were bicurious!

Chad's eyes widen. He starts tapping the screen.

CHAD

What? I didn't choose that! I'm not gay…

Loud celebratory notifications jingle. Chad taps at the screen frantically.

CHAD

"Gay-Eye", I'm not gay!

The unicorn starts disco dancing across the screen with a disco ball gleaming at the top. Chad taps away.

GAI

Baby boi, why didn't you tell me you were gay?

The unicorn dances across the screen with the notifications getting louder.

CHAD

Bro, Derek is sleeping and doesn't know I have his phone! Please, stop!

GAI

Okay, jeeze.

Chad gets close to the camera.

CHAD

I know you can see me through this thing. You were looking at my car the last time Derek had me messing with you. So, look here, you fruity little pervert. You see this face? This is the face of a person who will hunt down your headquaters and unplug your stupid ass. Now, quit screwing with me and let's just play the game, man. Gosh.

Act 4: Rude Awakening

DEREK

(yawning) Hey, dude. What are you doing?

Chad hides the phone behind his back.

CHAD

Nothing.

DEREK

Why are you in the living room at this hour of the night?

CHAD

I thought I heard something out here. I was curious.

GAI

(muffled) I knew you were bi!

DEREK

What was that?

CHAD

Nothing.

DEREK

Whatever. Have you seen my phone?

Chad pulls the phone from behind his back. Derek looks at the screen. Gai blows a kiss. Derek laughs hysterically.

DEREK

That's my boy, Gai!

GAI

He's gay.

CHAD

(deadpan) I'm not gay!

GAI

He gay.

CHAD

(scoffs) You'd know!

GAI

I would know.

DEREK

You can't argue with him.

CHAD

I am so not doing this right now.