May 19, 2026
Lucifer. Miss Grace said to go straight to the principal’s office…
(scoffs) Certainly not! The principal’s office is for peons and plebs. I have a far better plan. Follow me, minion!
(to himself) These idiots are gonna get themselves expelled on day one…
Behold! Today, you shall become my vessel of chaos. We shall perform… Demonic Possession!
(eager but shaking) Demonic possession? Really? I've never possessed anybody before.
Not, me, stupid. You!
On, no, no, no. I can't do that! My parents will kill me!
They can't kill what's already dead inside.
Well, I guess you've got a point.
I have several points. Now, sit still. This will only hurt a little.
A little? No! I—
(wobbly) I am… Dark Lord Warren! Fear me! I demand… a chocolate milk… and 3 bags of Doritos!
(rubbing head) Ow!
(puzzled) What happened?
(holding his head) I don't know, but this isn't working. Let's just go to the office…
No! The transformation is almost complete.
Stop, Lucifer! You can’t just possess people at school! This is insane, even for you two numbskulls!
(gasping) Warren! Get him!
No, my head hurts…
(deadpan) You guys are idiots.
I'm not the idiot! This was all Lucifer's idea.
(horrified) What on earth is going on in here?! All three of you, get your butts to the principal's office!
(whispers) Don't worry, I got this.
(opens the classroom door) I thought I told y'all to get to the office…
It's not my fault, Miss Grace! It was Lucifer's idea.
(whispers) Snitch.
So let me get this straight… you three were caught in the janitor’s closet performing some kind of… ritual with mops?
(pointing dramatically at Brad) It was all Brad’s fault, Miss Shepherd! We were just on our way to your office like Miss Grace said, but Brad dragged us into the closet and started yelling about “stopping dark forces” and he ruined everything!
(shocked) What!?
(nodding vigorously) Yeah! It's all Brad's fault… it's true!
(cuts in) They're lying!
Lucifer and Warren, the teacher tells me that this is your second offense today. One day detention. But Brad… you left class without permission and caused the disturbance in the hallway. One week of detention. Starting tomorrow.
(eyes wide) What?! But I—
(quietly) Heh. Welcome to my world, Brad.
(huffs) Oh, my god.
(without looking up) No taking the lord's name in vain, Brad.