Warning: The stunts performed in this show are for entertainment purposes only and are filmed by untrained professionals. Don't try this at home.
Act 1: Sharty Boy
Busy downtown sidewalk, sunny day. Johnny Coxville struts out in cargo shorts and a buttoned down Hawaiian shirt, mic in hand, huge grin. Camera crew follows.
JOHNNY COXVILLE
Welcome to Wackass! I'm Johnny Coxville, and today we're pushin' limits. First up: Panchos is Sharty Boy! He ate three dozen eggs, two dozen oysters, and a whole salmon this morning. His mission? Dance like an idiot… then unleash the brown slush.
CHRIS PANCHOS
Dude, I ate so much shit fuel… when this hits, it's gonna be legendary. Watch their faces!
Chris (Adidas tear-away tracksuit) jogs up to a group of tourists, starts to dance—arms flailing, hips thrusting. He stops, makes eye contact with the tourists, and then grabs the crotch of his tear-away pants and in one motion, he instantly rips them off, revealing a black banana hammock with a g-string up the rear.
TOURIST KID
What is he doing?
Mid-dance, he freezes, eyes wide. A massive, wet SHART echoes. A split stream erupts out of his anus. Tourists scream and scatter. One lady drops her phone in horror.
RANDOM TOURIST LADY
Oh my God—he shit himself. Call the police!
Chris runs away laughing hysterically.
CHRIS PANCHOS
Worth it. Best shart ever!
JOHNNY COXVILLE
Sharty Boy just baptized the sidewalk. That's one small step for man… one giant dump for Wackass!
Act 2: The Streamer
Huge backyard skate ramp—50-foot halfpipe. Cram (wild hair, shit-eating grin) stands at the top, buck-naked except for sneakers, holding a can of silly string.
JOHNNY COXVILLE
Next up: Cram's gonna drop in naked on this monster halfpipe… but it's missing 10 feet from the other side! His job? Shoot silly string out his ass mid-air like a streamer cannon. Except, we loaded him up with a can that's rigged to shoot 2 colors at the same time!
Cram drops in screaming, rockets up the other side—launches into the sky, fully nude, he grabs the skateboard with one hand and cannonballs. He twists mid-air, jams the silly string can between his cheeks, and sprays wildly. Neon green and pink streamers shoot from his butt like a fireworks finale. He soars 30 feet, then plummets.
CRAM
(mid-flight) Woooo! Ass confetti, baby!
He crashes hard into the padding. Silly string everywhere, including in his hair. Crew rushes over. Johnny laughs uncontrollably.
WACKASS CREW MEMBER
Dude, you just shat in flying colors!
JOHNNY COXVILLE
Cram just turned his ass into a piñata. That was beautiful… and disgusting!
Stunt 3: Oldies Gone Wild
Public park on a Sunday. Four cast members (Ryan Bunn, Steve-E, Tee Man, and Weston Macy) in full old-people makeup—gray wigs, wrinkles, cardigans, walkers. They shuffle out looking innocent.
JOHNNY COXVILLE
Final stunt… Old Folks Gone Wild! These old coots are up to no good. Goal? Maximum shock value. Let's see how the normies react!
First: "Grandma" (Steve-E) sits on a bench, lifts her skirt, and starts aggressively scratching her crotch. Families nearby gasp and shield kids' eyes.
MOM WITH KIDS
Ma'am! There are children here!
Second: "Grandpa" (Johnny) pulls out a vape pen, takes a massive hit, let's out a huge cloud and then blows smoke rings while yelling "Legalize it!" at joggers. One jogger stops.
JOGGER
Aren't you like… 86?
The four converge on a picnic table. Steve-O starts doing body shots off Weston's belly while Ryan is popping and locking with creaky joints and Tee Man is spinning on his head. A crowd forms—some film it, one guy calls security.
RANDOM PICNICKER
Somebody call the nursing home. These old farts are out of their minds!
Security approaches. The "old folks" rip off wigs and makeup—reveal themselves. Crowd erupts.
JOHNNY COXVILLE
And the park is traumatized! That's a wrap on Wackass, folks. Thanks for watching. And remember… don't try this at home.
Freeze frame on the four high-fiving amid chaos. Credits roll over screams and laughter.
