Carni Doody • Cheaters Carry | FUNNIES

Act 1: Too Easy

Dark bedroom, RGB lights glowing. Tyler "T-Dawg" (hoodie up, headset on, energy drink in hand) is locked into Carni Doody: Whack Ops and he's playing Hardpoint. He's popping off with smooth headshots and slide kills.

T-DAWG

Yo chat, these fools gettin clapped left n' right.

T-Dawg checks the scoreboard mid-game. One teammate is dominating: 64 kills, 12 deaths.

T-DAWG

Hold up… 64 and 12? Bruh. Get the f*ck out of here. "AimLordSupreme", huh… you care to explain your cheats?

AIMLORD (voice chat)

Relax kid, I'm just better than you. Stay in your lane.

Act 2: The Roast Session

T-Dawg pushes aggressively while verbally unloading on voice chat. The argument heats up as the Hardpoint timer ticks.

T-DAWG

Oh, better. Yeah, jeez, why didn't I think of that? Get real, nerd. It's the same shit from you noobs every single match. Just admit that you're paying monthly just to not get shit on in Call of Duty by a muhfugga like me. I would never be jealous of a cheater, bro. That's sad as hell that you would even suggest something like that.

AIMLORD

Jealous as fuck. I'm the goat at this game. You're just ass.

T-DAWG

The goat? Get the f*ck out of here. You ain't got shit on my 18 years of playing this game. Turn off them cheats, bitch. I bet you won't.

AimLord is still trying to talk over T-Dawg. The match is halfway through. T-Dawg checks the scoreboard again.

T-DAWG

Okay, "aimbotnerd", tell me how you got 64 kills and only 18 seconds on the Hardpoint… I'm sittin' here at 8-15 with 30 capture time. Like seriously, How are you at the top of the leaderboard and doing absolutely dick for the objective?

AIMLORD

Kills win games, dumbass. Stop crying.

T-Dawg lays his character down as soon as he spawns and stops moving entirely.

T-DAWG

Aight bet. Go ahead and handle my light work, dude. Get the win without me. I'm just gonna lay my character down right here. You're so good, right? I want to see you get the win without me. Carry my ass to victory, son. I don't gotta do shit. You're my bitch.

AIMLORD

I'll get that win. Don't worry about it, pussy.

T-DAWG

That's exactly what I thought, punk ass! Go get this dub for me, bitch.

AIMLORD

I will.

T-DAWG

That's cuz you're my bitch

AIMLORD

Shutcho' bitchass up.

T-DAWG

Oh! Here we go, chat. Remember what I told y'all about them saying this when they've been backed into a corner? Every worthless noob on this game forever saying that. He getting exposed live on my stream, guys! Ignorant muhfugga.

AIMLORD

Oh, you're streaming right now? Hey, what's up chat? Your dude is ass at this game.

T-DAWG

Oh, hell no.

Act 3: Victory & Exposure

T-Dawg lowers the game volume completely.

AIMLORD

What's good stream? Y'all see how I carried this—

T-DAWG

No, no, no, no, no, no, no… you don't get to talk to my chat. In fact, I turned the volume down just so your loser ass can't say shit to my stream. What, you think you the star guest? Hahaha. Get the f*ck out of here. It's just me and you now. Keep that same energy.

Notification on screen: VICTORY.

T-DAWG

So… what's that like being my bitch "aimbotnerd"? You really carried my ass just like I told you to do.

AIMLORD

Man shut up, you're still ass. I did all the work.

T-Dawg is already spamming the report button.

T-DAWG

Whatever you say, lil dick havin' ass bitch. Be sure to let me know what it's like to lose your account, ho. Hahaha.

Carni Doody HQ: Devs huddled around a monitor. Tiffany is watching T-Dawg's stream on her phone, cracking up.

TIFFANY

T-Dawg just slammed another one. He laid down in the spawn the whole second half just roasting this dude.

DEV 1

Bro, he did what?

DEV 2

Yo, Tiff! Download his stream. We have to show this to corporate during the next meeting.

Notification hits: "We've taken action against the player reported."

Act 4: Social Media Meltdown

AimLord's room: He slams his fist on his keyboard after seeing the ban screen and starts typing furiously on social media.

AIMLORD (post)

"Falsely banned again… Activision on some bs. They mad that I'm so good at this game."

Replies flood in instantly.

RANDOM REPLIES

LMAOOOO • "Falsely" • Post the gameplay then.

T-Dawg is scrolling on his phone and just happens to see the post. He replies with the attached clip of AimLord's obvious cheats (wallbangs, insane tracking, near-zero objective time).

T-DAWG (posting)

@Activision @CallofDuty Here's the "falsely banned" cheater from my stream tonight. And to everyone begging for the clip, you're welcome. 🫡

The replies explode with laughing emojis, fire, and crowns.

COMMENTS

COD GOAT 😂😂 • Massive W • T-Dawg never misses • T-Dawg 1 billion, cheaters 0.

T-Dawg leans back in his chair, laughing to himself.

T-DAWG

Chat… go look at my replies! This shit writes itself. Another one bites the dust, bay-buh.

Fade out on T-Dawg smiling at his screen as even more hype-messages roll in.