Chat… we're back… we finally got the new beta. Pre-ordered the deluxe like a boss. Let’s see what these goofy ass devs cooked up this time.

Did y’all see that jank? Bro what in the actual jank even was that? My aim just got shoved off like the game is cheating. Classic Carni Doody bullshit yet again.

bro just admit ur washed • aim is trash lmao • How u missing point blank? • skill issue fr • User error.

(reading, smirking) Ohhh they mad. They think this is user error. Chat… this is content gold. Watch this.

@random1 I’ve been playing longer than you’ve been out of pampers, son. Keep coping. • @random3 Spoken like a true noob. Stay mad, bitch. • @random2 You wouldn't know video games even if they slapped your momma in the face and called her trash.

Haha. Man… this engagement farming is goin' crazy. They act like I have never played this game a day in my fricken' life. "User error". Haha! Keep the rage coming, losers. I am loving every second of this free engagement.

Oh my God. I had the drop. I had the drop. And this dude just lagspikes straight through my bullets? Come the fuck on, man.

Bullshit! Reported.

Are you serious right now? Let me report them! Fucking jank… there. Finally.

I’m telling you, something’s off. T-Dawg is missing shots he normally lands every single time. Look at these tracking numbers.

Could be the lagspike issue again. We still don’t know if it’s the servers or actual cheats floating around in the beta.

Come the fuck on, man! I had the drop on this mother fucker! Bullshit! Cheating piece of shit! Go fuck—you suck! Mother fucker!

(rubbing his temples) Tiffany… Tiffany... Tiffany!

(looks up) What?

Can you turn that down? We’re trying to figure out if this is a server problem or if people are actually cheating.

(looks back down, raises volume) Nah. This is better than the data. He’s about to go nuclear.

This shit is fucking stupid! You cheating piece of shits! You need to get a fucking life and uninstall the fucking game. You suck so hard at the fucking game that you need them fucking cheats. Fucktards!

…it's really that bad?

(looks up) It's terrible.

How terrible?

(sighs) Bro, everyone is getting the kill but me? Everyone locks on and I can't? Yeah… right… sure… I really believe it. This Double XP Weekend really bringin' them cheaters out as usual. Some things never change about this stupid ass game.

Chat… I tried today. I really did. But this shit completely ruined the preorder for me. I’m done. No more getting made to feel inferior on a game I’ve been destroying people on for 18 years. Refund time. It shouldn’t even have to come to this.

Hello! Can you please confirm the name of the game?

Carni Doody: Slaughtered Coreware 4. The one I pre-ordered.

Thank you. And can you confirm the price you paid?

Yeah, the deluxe one. $97.94. Can we speed this up?

I understand. I just need the order number.

There. Now you have everything you need. We good?

Of course. One more question: How do you typically enjoy content on your console?

Are you serious right now? You’re turning this entire process into a whole game show. I really don’t have time for this. You’re making me late for my stream and we’ve already been at this for a full hour now. You could’ve just asked for the order number first thing and skipped all these ridiculous questions. Can you please just process the refund? That’s all this is about. Nothing more.

I’ve processed your refund request. You should see it reflected on your account soon. Is there anything else that I can help with?

Nope. Just have a nice day. Thanks. Bye.

There ain't no way that I’m giving them a hundred dollars for another year of this samey-same sloppy bullshit.

Oh, this one oughta get ‘em really going.